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- You're a Redneck If...........
*You take your dog for a walk and both use the same tree. *You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a flyswatter. * Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years. * You burn your yard rather than mow it. * You think the "Nutcracker" is something you did off the high dive. * The Salvation Army declines your mattress. * You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it. * You have the local taxidermist on speed dial. * You come back from the dump with more than you took. * You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table. * Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat. * Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list. * You keep flea and tick soap in the shower. * You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog. * You go to the stock car races and don't need a program. * You know how many bales of hay your car will hold. * You have a rag for a gas cap. * Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does. * You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean. * You can spit without opening your mouth. * You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it. * Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand. * You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side. * The biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart. * Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV. * You've used your ironing board as a buffet table. * A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of improvements. * You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back. * You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty. * You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph. Submitted by our Pal Steve H. |
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