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Things That Change After College
1. 6:00 a.m. is when you get up, not when you go to sleep. 2. Having sex in a single bed is absurd. 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 4. Your fantasies of having sex with three women with lesbian tendencies are replaced by fantasies of having sex with anyone at all. 5. You don't volunteer for clinical trials at the local hospital. 6. You know all of the people sleeping in your house. 7. You carry an umbrella. 8. You don't get drunk at home, to save money, before going to a club. 9. Breaking the law means doing 40 in a 30 zone. 10. You don’t find a "dump" left in the toilet hysterically funny anymore. 11. You don't have mice living in your kitchen. 12. Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. 13. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time. 14. Your friends marry and divorce instead of get together and break-up. 15. You go to the pharmacy for Asprin and antacids, not Condoms and pregnancy test kits. 16. A £2.50 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff." 17. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the music. 18. You get out of bed in the morning even if it's raining. 19. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. 20. You always know where you are when you wake up. 21. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up. 22. You feed your dog Chum instead of McDonald"s. 23. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m. 24. You can remember the name of the person you wake up next to. |
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