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Strange Definitions
Account: A countess' husband. Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle. Amnesia: The condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again. Antique: An item your grandparents bought, your parents got rid of, and you're buying again. Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's. Atheism: A non-prophet organization. Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do. Baloney: Where some skirt hemlines fall. Barium: What we do to most people when they die. Beauty parlor: A place where women curl up and dye. Benign: What you be after you be eight. Bernadette: The act of torching a mortgage. Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early. Burglarize: What a crook sees with. Cannibal: Someone who is fed up with people. Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead. Classic: A book that people praise, but do not read. Clothes dryer: An appliance designed to eat socks. Coffee: A person who is coughed upon. College: The four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone. Committee: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours. Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece. Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present. Control: A short, ugly inmate. Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets. Courtesy: The art of yawning with your mouth closed. Derange: Where dee buffalo roam. Dictionary: A place where success comes before work. Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip. Divorce: The future tense of marriage. Eclipse: What an Italian barber does for a living. Egotist: Someone me-deep in conversation. Eyedropper: A clumsy ophthalmologist. Experience: The name people give to their mistakes. Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster. Fancy restaurant: One that serves cold soup on purpose. Father: A banker provided by nature. Feedback: The inevitable result when a baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots. |
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