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Strange Actual Medical Notes
Totally off the record... A selection of choice writings taken from medical (and nursing!) notes! -By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped and he was feeling better. -Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. -On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared. -She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. -The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983. -I will be happy to go into her GI system, she seems ready and anxious. -Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing. -I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor. -The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. -Discharge status: Alive but without permission. -The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Ward to dispose of him. -Healthy-appearing, decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful. -The patient refused an autopsy. -The patient has no past history of suicides. -The patient expired on the floor uneventfully. -Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital. -Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency. -The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. -She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December. -The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary edema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room. -The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints. -The patient is disabled with a wife from Portsmouth -Uterus remains in place resting comfortably (after prolapse repair) -Diagnosis: Claus-trophobia -Comes to ED complaining of vaginal breathing. -Patient arrived by avalanche -Odor of alcohol on breast -Patient stable all morning, in asystole -Road Traffic Accident, back seat driver -The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. -The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately. -Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. -The skin was moist and dry. -Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. -The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. -She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce. -Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant. -The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed. -I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. -The patient was prepped and raped in the usual manner. -Examination reveals a well-developed male laying in bed with his family in no distress. -Patient was alert and unresponsive. -When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room. -The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week. -Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles. -Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. -She is numb from her toes down. -Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot. -While in the emergency room, she was examined, x-rated and sent home. -The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead. -The patient suffers from occasional, constant, infrequent headaches. -Coming from Detroit, this man has no children. |
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